I finally have bed slats, and I now sleep on a bed, instead of a mattress on the floor!!!! I don't think anyone has ever been so thrilled to have acquired a bunch of wooden boards attached together by strips of cloth... I still maintain that they should have come with the bed.
Friday, October 01, 2004
Monday, September 27, 2004
27 September 2004
Scene: a group of Swiss and Americans, sitting on my terrace. One of the Swiss guys has brought a small water gun upstairs, and is shooting his friends, then decides that he wants to shoot some of the Americans.
Swiss guy (turning to one of the American guys): Can I make your girlfriend wet?
Americans: (laughter)
Scene: 12:59 p.m. in the checkout line at the grocery store. Lunch comes with a free drink after 1 p.m.
Customer: Can I get my drink for free?
Cashier: No, it’s not 1 o’clock yet, you have to wait.
Customer: Come on, it’s 1 already.
Cashier: No, you still have one minute
Second customer: Are you kidding?
Cashier: Just wait.
(They wait one minute.)
(Cashier rings customer up and gives him the free drink.)
Scene: daytime in the street in Zurich. Feeling too lazy to put it in a trashcan, a pedestrian throws a piece of paper trash on the ground.
Passerby (picking up the trash and handing it back to the first pedestrian): Sir, you dropped this!!
Littering pedestrian: Oh… uh, thanks.
A few things to think about: imagine trying to explain the following...
1) Who is Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, and why is he so damn funny?
2) What do you mean when you call someone a punk?
3) Why would anyone in their right mind vote for Bush? (This one is the hardest).
Swiss guy (turning to one of the American guys): Can I make your girlfriend wet?
Americans: (laughter)
Scene: 12:59 p.m. in the checkout line at the grocery store. Lunch comes with a free drink after 1 p.m.
Customer: Can I get my drink for free?
Cashier: No, it’s not 1 o’clock yet, you have to wait.
Customer: Come on, it’s 1 already.
Cashier: No, you still have one minute
Second customer: Are you kidding?
Cashier: Just wait.
(They wait one minute.)
(Cashier rings customer up and gives him the free drink.)
Scene: daytime in the street in Zurich. Feeling too lazy to put it in a trashcan, a pedestrian throws a piece of paper trash on the ground.
Passerby (picking up the trash and handing it back to the first pedestrian): Sir, you dropped this!!
Littering pedestrian: Oh… uh, thanks.
A few things to think about: imagine trying to explain the following...
1) Who is Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, and why is he so damn funny?
2) What do you mean when you call someone a punk?
3) Why would anyone in their right mind vote for Bush? (This one is the hardest).
How to Pass for a Swiss Person, Part I, Section 2: Appearance for Women
Women, here is your guide to looking like a proper Swiss person. First and foremost, think extreme in all cases. Don’t do anything by halves, or you’re only making half of a statement. Let’s start with shoes. *Always* wear heels, and make sure that they’re very, very pointy. Your heels should be at least 3 inches high, even if you’re wearing jeans or capris. The pointy part of the shoe should evoke thoughts of the Wicked Witch of the West. If you can easily walk in them, then the heels aren’t high enough and the toes aren’t pointy enough. You can go for an ankle strap or no ankle strap, whatever suits your fancy, but make sure that the shoes are very colorful. Fuschia, yellow, silver, lavender, any color is fine, as long as it will only match one or two items in your wardrobe. Flip flops are for Americans and slobs.
If you’re going to wear low-rise pants, make sure that they’re low enough to rival the plumber, and that they highlight the exposed rear cleavage with underwear that hangs out the top. If not low-rise, then please be sure that your pants at least go up to your natural waist, if not higher. Cuffing your jeans is absolutely acceptable. Do you prefer skirts? The flouncier and more floral, the better. Shirts should be worn off the shoulder, 80s-style, so that your shoulder-length earrings won’t interfere with your neckline.
Going to get a haircut? Ask for a femme-mullet, or a something long and shaggy, or if you want to be surprised, just ask for the most junior trainee at SuperCuts, tell them to knock themselves out, and that should be about right. Please don’t get your highlights and dye jobs touched up; it is much better to leave them as they grow, so that you can have two-tone hair. See note in the Men’s section (last week) regarding smoking. Everyone does it, and it gives your skin that nice 14-going-on-40 look to it, which you can then build on with matte foundation and heavy eye makeup.
Also, please note that all men should have at least one visible tattoo or piercing, and all women should have at least one visible tattoo or piercing, in addition to normal earrings.
If you’re going to wear low-rise pants, make sure that they’re low enough to rival the plumber, and that they highlight the exposed rear cleavage with underwear that hangs out the top. If not low-rise, then please be sure that your pants at least go up to your natural waist, if not higher. Cuffing your jeans is absolutely acceptable. Do you prefer skirts? The flouncier and more floral, the better. Shirts should be worn off the shoulder, 80s-style, so that your shoulder-length earrings won’t interfere with your neckline.
Going to get a haircut? Ask for a femme-mullet, or a something long and shaggy, or if you want to be surprised, just ask for the most junior trainee at SuperCuts, tell them to knock themselves out, and that should be about right. Please don’t get your highlights and dye jobs touched up; it is much better to leave them as they grow, so that you can have two-tone hair. See note in the Men’s section (last week) regarding smoking. Everyone does it, and it gives your skin that nice 14-going-on-40 look to it, which you can then build on with matte foundation and heavy eye makeup.
Also, please note that all men should have at least one visible tattoo or piercing, and all women should have at least one visible tattoo or piercing, in addition to normal earrings.
Monday, September 20, 2004
20 September 2004
Hello again. Got back yesterday from my trip to New York and DC. The wedding was beautiful, it was good to see friends, and I ate a ton!! All you can eat sushi, all you can eat blue crab, two lobsters at Joshua Tree, Korean BBQ at Kum Gang San, Ethiopian food at Meskerem, pizza, “street meat” hot dogs, apple pie from Little Pie Company, soup dumplings at Shanghai Café, bagels, clam chowder, filet mignon, and so on. I brought back all the books, CDs, clothes, and DVDs that I bought in the States, as well as all of my winter clothes, a comforter, a spare dog bed for Fiver, sheets, towels, etc., and had quite a time trying to navigate my 5,000 pounds of luggage through the trip.
Things that I had forgotten about the States, and things that I hadn’t realized before moving away: it is HUMID over there! And air conditioning, while refreshing, can make you REALLY COLD -- I wrapped myself in three blankets on the plane flight over, and the flight attendant asked me if I was all right. I miss smoke-free New York; it was nice to be able to go to a bar or restaurant and not come out smelling like an ashtray. And I never really noticed the amount of gum on the ground in New York until living in a ground-gum-free city for three months. Look around, there is a lot of gum on the sidewalks, it’s amazing!! Also, I still have no idea how Zurich avoids that “rancid trash” smell that is seemingly ubiquitous in the summertime in the city.
Back on this side of the pond, I’ve decided to start putting out a handy dandy guide to assist people in blending in among the Swiss. I have decided to remain conspicuous and non-Swiss, but if I ever decide to become an undercover agent here, at least I’ll have a guide all ready to go. This week’s lesson is about basic dress code for men.
Things that I had forgotten about the States, and things that I hadn’t realized before moving away: it is HUMID over there! And air conditioning, while refreshing, can make you REALLY COLD -- I wrapped myself in three blankets on the plane flight over, and the flight attendant asked me if I was all right. I miss smoke-free New York; it was nice to be able to go to a bar or restaurant and not come out smelling like an ashtray. And I never really noticed the amount of gum on the ground in New York until living in a ground-gum-free city for three months. Look around, there is a lot of gum on the sidewalks, it’s amazing!! Also, I still have no idea how Zurich avoids that “rancid trash” smell that is seemingly ubiquitous in the summertime in the city.
Back on this side of the pond, I’ve decided to start putting out a handy dandy guide to assist people in blending in among the Swiss. I have decided to remain conspicuous and non-Swiss, but if I ever decide to become an undercover agent here, at least I’ll have a guide all ready to go. This week’s lesson is about basic dress code for men.
How to Pass for a Swiss Person, Part I, Section 1: Appearance for Men
Are you male? Then this issue applies to you. Image is king! Always buy your jeans tight. If your girlfriend’s jeans are tighter than yours, you’re doing something wrong. Make sure that the legs taper at the ankles. Never go without a belt. You don’t technically need it, since you bought your jeans tight enough that you couldn’t get them off without a paint scraper, but the belt is essential. If you object to really tight jeans, you can also opt for capri-length cargo pants (if you don’t know what “capri-length” is, go ask at your nearest Gap, or ask a female friend).
Tuck your shirt in, you look like a slob. Make sure that your shirt is tight, even if it makes people wonder which team you’re playing for. Bonus points if your shirt has no sleeves, or if you flip the collar up. Color coordination is important, too; get help on this one if it’s too hard for you. It’s pretty simple, though: if you’re wearing a red and yellow shirt, make sure that your shoes are also red and yellow, and preferably made by Adidas. Only leather shoes, or else people will think you’re a slob with no money.
Finding it hard to squeeze your wallet and keys into your jeans, because they’re too tight? Not a problem, go buy a fanny pack!! Preferably black leather. You can put it around your waist, or you can sling it over your shoulder. Everyone has one. But again, make sure your clothes are really tight, or else people might get you mixed up with an American tourist.
You’d better shave, or else your female friends might get annoyed, since you kiss every one of them three times every time you see them. Stock up on hair gel, because crunchy hair is a must.
Not a smoker? That will have to change. Switzerland is one of the heaviest smoking countries in the world. Don’t like nicotine? That’s OK, you can cut your cigs open, mix the tobacco with pot, and re-roll it, and you’re good to go. Too poor to do that? That’s OK, too, because there are enough people smoking in the street that you can just breathe deeply in their vicinity and get a contact high.
Tuck your shirt in, you look like a slob. Make sure that your shirt is tight, even if it makes people wonder which team you’re playing for. Bonus points if your shirt has no sleeves, or if you flip the collar up. Color coordination is important, too; get help on this one if it’s too hard for you. It’s pretty simple, though: if you’re wearing a red and yellow shirt, make sure that your shoes are also red and yellow, and preferably made by Adidas. Only leather shoes, or else people will think you’re a slob with no money.
Finding it hard to squeeze your wallet and keys into your jeans, because they’re too tight? Not a problem, go buy a fanny pack!! Preferably black leather. You can put it around your waist, or you can sling it over your shoulder. Everyone has one. But again, make sure your clothes are really tight, or else people might get you mixed up with an American tourist.
You’d better shave, or else your female friends might get annoyed, since you kiss every one of them three times every time you see them. Stock up on hair gel, because crunchy hair is a must.
Not a smoker? That will have to change. Switzerland is one of the heaviest smoking countries in the world. Don’t like nicotine? That’s OK, you can cut your cigs open, mix the tobacco with pot, and re-roll it, and you’re good to go. Too poor to do that? That’s OK, too, because there are enough people smoking in the street that you can just breathe deeply in their vicinity and get a contact high.
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
7 September 2004
So I’m heading back to the States on Friday, with stops in New York and D.C., and I’m already making mental lists of things I’m going to do. Actually, it’s mostly a list of things I’m going to eat. At the top of the list: bagels, Ethiopian food at Meskerem, all-you-can-eat sushi, Korean BBQ, soup dumplings at Shanghai Cafe, lobster at Joshua Tree, burgers at Island Burgers, bloody steak, tapas, tiramisu at Ferrara, French toast at Eatery, smoothies at Route 66, and so on and so forth. I was out for drinks last night with some co-workers, all of them fellow expats, and the topic of “what to do when back in the States” came up, and everyone just started listing their favorite restaurants and how much food costs at those restaurants. The variety/quality/price of food in New York is just unbeatable. Which is why I’m going to eat non-stop while I’m there.
Then there are the things I need to buy or bring back. I’ve already bombarded Amazon and Barnes and Noble with orders for books, CDs, and DVDs that are either unavailable or prohibitively expensive here. It should be fun seeing me try to lug all of that stuff back to Zurich. I also plan on stocking up on cold medications and toiletries, which are all sold in Oompa Loompa portions here, for monopoly prices. Ahh… somewhere in the world, things are sold at market prices in econo-size packaging. Expats dream about such things for long spans of time, in between food cravings and laundry angst. The strange thing is that while most things here are sold in small packages, and there is no such thing as Costco, they have a proliferation of “erotic warehouses” that are as big as any IKEA or Costco I’ve ever seen. I haven’t yet ventured inside one of them, but I can only imagine that they must sell “erotic products” in containers ten times the size of the shampoo and laundry detergent bottles.
Speaking of all things erotic, this past weekend was the street fair celebrating the red-light district in Zurich. The weekend before was the street fair for my neighborhood, which is sort of a cross between the village and Times Square, if you can imagine such a hybrid. But this past weekend, we took the tram out to the red-light district (which, incidentally, is also where my office is). This area of town is the most dangerous part of Zurich, which means that there is perhaps a 0.05% chance that you might get pick-pocketed, and a small chance that you might be asked for drugs or money. It’s about as dangerous as Central Park on a sunny Saturday afternoon in June. In any case, at some point as we were walking down the street, eating cotton candy, drinking sangria, looking at random trinkets, and deciding what to eat next, these two big tough guys got drunkenly upset at each other for some unknown offense. I slowed down, thinking that maybe I would finally see some real craziness. However, one of the guys just stood there with his arms crossed, yelling at the other guy, and consulting with his friends. The other guy, who was sporting full biker leather and long biker hair, and therefore seemed promising, was also screaming. He would occasionally rush in and do tentative little toe-kicks and wind-milling bitch-slaps. He fought about as well as a third-grade girl. Amusing, but unfulfilling. Nobody does random street violence like the good ole U S of A.
In apartment news, I think I’m still recovering from furniture deprivation, as I have not been able to shake this furniture-hoarding instinct that has suddenly been awakened in me. I have yet to get rid of any of my 9 small tables. I also have two couches, two barstools, four indoor chairs, five outdoor chairs, four outdoor stools, a kitchen table, a terrace table, and a TV from the Stone Age. Also, there is always the bed frame. Still no slats, so it’s still useless, but I’ve sanded and varnished the rest of the frame, so I prefer to think of it as an ornamental piece, for now. I still need to figure out what to do with some halogen lamps I just inherited from a friend who is leaving. In any case, if you’re looking for a place to sit, lie down, or put things on, my apartment now has a plethora of items suitable for such uses.
Then there are the things I need to buy or bring back. I’ve already bombarded Amazon and Barnes and Noble with orders for books, CDs, and DVDs that are either unavailable or prohibitively expensive here. It should be fun seeing me try to lug all of that stuff back to Zurich. I also plan on stocking up on cold medications and toiletries, which are all sold in Oompa Loompa portions here, for monopoly prices. Ahh… somewhere in the world, things are sold at market prices in econo-size packaging. Expats dream about such things for long spans of time, in between food cravings and laundry angst. The strange thing is that while most things here are sold in small packages, and there is no such thing as Costco, they have a proliferation of “erotic warehouses” that are as big as any IKEA or Costco I’ve ever seen. I haven’t yet ventured inside one of them, but I can only imagine that they must sell “erotic products” in containers ten times the size of the shampoo and laundry detergent bottles.
Speaking of all things erotic, this past weekend was the street fair celebrating the red-light district in Zurich. The weekend before was the street fair for my neighborhood, which is sort of a cross between the village and Times Square, if you can imagine such a hybrid. But this past weekend, we took the tram out to the red-light district (which, incidentally, is also where my office is). This area of town is the most dangerous part of Zurich, which means that there is perhaps a 0.05% chance that you might get pick-pocketed, and a small chance that you might be asked for drugs or money. It’s about as dangerous as Central Park on a sunny Saturday afternoon in June. In any case, at some point as we were walking down the street, eating cotton candy, drinking sangria, looking at random trinkets, and deciding what to eat next, these two big tough guys got drunkenly upset at each other for some unknown offense. I slowed down, thinking that maybe I would finally see some real craziness. However, one of the guys just stood there with his arms crossed, yelling at the other guy, and consulting with his friends. The other guy, who was sporting full biker leather and long biker hair, and therefore seemed promising, was also screaming. He would occasionally rush in and do tentative little toe-kicks and wind-milling bitch-slaps. He fought about as well as a third-grade girl. Amusing, but unfulfilling. Nobody does random street violence like the good ole U S of A.
In apartment news, I think I’m still recovering from furniture deprivation, as I have not been able to shake this furniture-hoarding instinct that has suddenly been awakened in me. I have yet to get rid of any of my 9 small tables. I also have two couches, two barstools, four indoor chairs, five outdoor chairs, four outdoor stools, a kitchen table, a terrace table, and a TV from the Stone Age. Also, there is always the bed frame. Still no slats, so it’s still useless, but I’ve sanded and varnished the rest of the frame, so I prefer to think of it as an ornamental piece, for now. I still need to figure out what to do with some halogen lamps I just inherited from a friend who is leaving. In any case, if you’re looking for a place to sit, lie down, or put things on, my apartment now has a plethora of items suitable for such uses.
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
1 September 2004
So I had always thought that no one could out-polite us Asians. Think of the simultaneous stereotypes of the smiling, bowing, gracious Asian, and listen to how much weight Asian parents give to addressing people in the proper way, bringing the right gift to someone’s house, holding your chopsticks just so, giving and deflecting compliments, and you will start to understand what I mean. However, I have discovered that there is a place where the people are just as etiquette-conscious, and that place is Switzerland. I think they might be Asians in disguise.
Example 1: When having a drink with friends or acquaintances, you have to stop, clink glasses, and make serious eye contact with each and every person you are with, even if that group is 12 people. And this has to happen every time someone gets a new drink. So much for a quick round of shots.
Example 2: When writing an SMS, it is considered quite impolite to say something like, “When are we mtg tomorrow?” Instead, you have to sit there and type away on your phone, something more along these lines, “Hello, Billy Bob, how are you? I was wondering what time would be good for you to meet tomorrow? Hope you are well!! Bye, Angela.” So much for the “S” part of SMS.
Example 3: Don’t even think of picking up your fork before saying, “En guete” or “Bon appetit,” even if you’re just having fast food.
Example 4: Don’t answer the phone by saying “Hello,” use your name, because otherwise, your caller won’t know whom they are calling. Even though they called you in the first place. No calling after 9 p.m., because people might be asleep.
However, I also think that part of the way they make it look like they are so fastidious about the rules of etiquette is that they use a completely different set of rules, which makes it harder for outsiders to learn and understand them, and easier for the Swiss to make us look completely clueless and rude, which we very well might be, but not always knowingly.
For instance, they don’t have the rule about not eating the last piece of food on a serving plate, but there is a whole litany of rules regarding how bread works. Bread that is shaped a certain way is not free, even though it is brought out and placed on the table at the beginning of a meal. Bread that is placed in the center of the table is not necessarily for everyone at the table; and may only be intended for one person, depending on what people ordered.
Anyways... despite the fact that I am finding endless differences and quirks to amuse me, Fiver has settled down as if this is the only place he has ever lived in his entire life. Dogs can go anywhere, just about -- bars, restaurants, shops -- my office has four dogs, as well. Fiver is fine with that. He has developed quite a little attitude since getting here.
When we lived in New York, Fiver was used to being left home alone all day, every day, while I was at work. He would make his little martyr face, but he would deal with it pretty well.
Since getting here, he has developed delusions of grandeur and supreme importance. He loves coming to the office, but makes me coax him out of bed before he will get up. He eats anything and everything he can find, and always has dog food on hand (on paw?) but he begs *shamelessly* from friends and strangers alike. He made such pathetic faces at some woman in the street that she handed me half a loaf of bread and repeated several times that it was for my dog, as if Fiver were some poor, starved, and abused animal. If I leave him at home alone, he will bark at me when I come back, then ignore me for a little while, and then *allow* me to pet him in a benevolent act of forgiveness.
He was stung by a bee, which shocked him to no end, and made his foot swell and hurt. Once it had stopped hurting (and I know it did, because he was running around chasing his butt), he continued limping whenever he knew I was looking, to get more attention and treats. Silly Fiver.
Example 1: When having a drink with friends or acquaintances, you have to stop, clink glasses, and make serious eye contact with each and every person you are with, even if that group is 12 people. And this has to happen every time someone gets a new drink. So much for a quick round of shots.
Example 2: When writing an SMS, it is considered quite impolite to say something like, “When are we mtg tomorrow?” Instead, you have to sit there and type away on your phone, something more along these lines, “Hello, Billy Bob, how are you? I was wondering what time would be good for you to meet tomorrow? Hope you are well!! Bye, Angela.” So much for the “S” part of SMS.
Example 3: Don’t even think of picking up your fork before saying, “En guete” or “Bon appetit,” even if you’re just having fast food.
Example 4: Don’t answer the phone by saying “Hello,” use your name, because otherwise, your caller won’t know whom they are calling. Even though they called you in the first place. No calling after 9 p.m., because people might be asleep.
However, I also think that part of the way they make it look like they are so fastidious about the rules of etiquette is that they use a completely different set of rules, which makes it harder for outsiders to learn and understand them, and easier for the Swiss to make us look completely clueless and rude, which we very well might be, but not always knowingly.
For instance, they don’t have the rule about not eating the last piece of food on a serving plate, but there is a whole litany of rules regarding how bread works. Bread that is shaped a certain way is not free, even though it is brought out and placed on the table at the beginning of a meal. Bread that is placed in the center of the table is not necessarily for everyone at the table; and may only be intended for one person, depending on what people ordered.
Anyways... despite the fact that I am finding endless differences and quirks to amuse me, Fiver has settled down as if this is the only place he has ever lived in his entire life. Dogs can go anywhere, just about -- bars, restaurants, shops -- my office has four dogs, as well. Fiver is fine with that. He has developed quite a little attitude since getting here.
When we lived in New York, Fiver was used to being left home alone all day, every day, while I was at work. He would make his little martyr face, but he would deal with it pretty well.
Since getting here, he has developed delusions of grandeur and supreme importance. He loves coming to the office, but makes me coax him out of bed before he will get up. He eats anything and everything he can find, and always has dog food on hand (on paw?) but he begs *shamelessly* from friends and strangers alike. He made such pathetic faces at some woman in the street that she handed me half a loaf of bread and repeated several times that it was for my dog, as if Fiver were some poor, starved, and abused animal. If I leave him at home alone, he will bark at me when I come back, then ignore me for a little while, and then *allow* me to pet him in a benevolent act of forgiveness.
He was stung by a bee, which shocked him to no end, and made his foot swell and hurt. Once it had stopped hurting (and I know it did, because he was running around chasing his butt), he continued limping whenever he knew I was looking, to get more attention and treats. Silly Fiver.
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
NEWS BULLETIN -- 25 August 2004
We got an email this morning that someone was coming through to clean our phones at work. Um, OK. Sure 'nuff, a woman comes through to clean our office phones, and I kid you not, she had a full toolbelt of things used to clean phones: soft brushes, hard brushes, fabric cloths, dust cloths, cleaning spray, cleaning picks, and one of those click-and-count contraptions so she can keep track of the number of phones cleaned. I have never seen a phone get such close and loving attention. I am tempted to really dirty it up next time to see a full-blown treatment.
Monday, August 23, 2004
23 August 2004
The furniture saga continues. Apparently, when you buy a bed, you have to buy the bed slats separately. These things never occured to me as being separate items that people would get at different times or in different combinations. Bed slats are bed slats. So I ordered my bedframe, and it was delivered, and I put it together, and it looks quite nice except for the fact thatit is entirely useless when it comes to supporting a mattress, since there are no bed slats, and my mattress is not of the levitating variety. You would think that the ordering site would either say quite prominently, "This bed won't work as a bed unless you buy more things with it," or give a helpful link to "Things you will definitely need in order to make this bed functional." I suppose they do it that way so that if you already have some bed slats lying around, you don't have to end up with an extra set. Except that I don't know anyone who has random bed slats, since THEY COME WITH THE BED. Also, they were quite pointed in telling me that the mattress and sheets didn't come with the bed. Yes, I realize that, and I'm pretty sure the model sitting on the bed in the pictures is not included, either. I just want a large, elevated, flat surface to hold my mattress off of the ground. Is that so hard to get?
The Swiss like things to be a certain way, and that way is clean. In fact, the German word for "clean" is used colloquially to mean "good" in Switzerland. How far does this go? Some examples:
1) A friend killed a cockroach on my terrace, and threw it over the side. When he left the building, he saw the cockroach in the street, and picked it up and moved it into the gutter, because it didn't belong in the street.
2) Three roommates that I know have a cleaner kitchen than most Americans I know. At the end of a meal, they are incapable of leaving the dishes overnight, or even worse, letting them accumulate until the sink is full. Dishes can only be dirty while they are in use.
3) Another friend vacuumed his bedroom at 5 in the morning, because he simply could not sleep, knowing that the room was dirty. How dirty, you might ask, it must have been pretty bad. There were small dust bunnies that had come from a down comforter and feather pillows, but the thought of them was just so disturbing that he couldn't rest until they were gone.
You should see the ice cream ads here. Perhaps to provide some form of release from the rigors of everyday rules and regulations concerning propriety, the Swiss have the most sexually charged ice cream ads you have ever seen. They're not on the same level as Playboy or Penthouse, but I think they would fit into Maxim pretty well. Girls seductively eating popsicles, guys holding out large ice cream cones, just out of reach of their girlfriends, girls sharing ice cream with each other. Strangely, though, this hyper-sexualization seems to go almost exclusively with ice cream ads, and not with other products. Salami and bratwurst are sold with serious pictures of mountain men and cows, but ice cream is all about getting laid.
It is entirely possible to get locked in your apartment here. The locks work with keys on both sides, rather than a key on one side and a knob on the other. If you are prone to losing track of your keys, you can find yourself stuck inside until you find them. The outer doors of the buildings are the same way, such that, if someone has locked the front door, I have to go fishing through my bag to let myself out, and the keys by the time I get downstairs have somehow managed to get under everything else.
The Swiss like things to be a certain way, and that way is clean. In fact, the German word for "clean" is used colloquially to mean "good" in Switzerland. How far does this go? Some examples:
1) A friend killed a cockroach on my terrace, and threw it over the side. When he left the building, he saw the cockroach in the street, and picked it up and moved it into the gutter, because it didn't belong in the street.
2) Three roommates that I know have a cleaner kitchen than most Americans I know. At the end of a meal, they are incapable of leaving the dishes overnight, or even worse, letting them accumulate until the sink is full. Dishes can only be dirty while they are in use.
3) Another friend vacuumed his bedroom at 5 in the morning, because he simply could not sleep, knowing that the room was dirty. How dirty, you might ask, it must have been pretty bad. There were small dust bunnies that had come from a down comforter and feather pillows, but the thought of them was just so disturbing that he couldn't rest until they were gone.
You should see the ice cream ads here. Perhaps to provide some form of release from the rigors of everyday rules and regulations concerning propriety, the Swiss have the most sexually charged ice cream ads you have ever seen. They're not on the same level as Playboy or Penthouse, but I think they would fit into Maxim pretty well. Girls seductively eating popsicles, guys holding out large ice cream cones, just out of reach of their girlfriends, girls sharing ice cream with each other. Strangely, though, this hyper-sexualization seems to go almost exclusively with ice cream ads, and not with other products. Salami and bratwurst are sold with serious pictures of mountain men and cows, but ice cream is all about getting laid.
It is entirely possible to get locked in your apartment here. The locks work with keys on both sides, rather than a key on one side and a knob on the other. If you are prone to losing track of your keys, you can find yourself stuck inside until you find them. The outer doors of the buildings are the same way, such that, if someone has locked the front door, I have to go fishing through my bag to let myself out, and the keys by the time I get downstairs have somehow managed to get under everything else.
Monday, August 16, 2004
16 August 2004
So the Olympics started over the weekend, and I was watching the opening ceremony, and the Swiss commentator was making the usual inane chatter about the different teams as they walked into the arean, "This team has 57 athletes here this year," "This team is really strong in cycling," "Here come the defending champions for volleyball." Then the team from Singapore walked in, and the Swiss commentator said, "Here is the team from Singapore. Singapore is even cleaner than Switzerland." No joke, that is really what he said.
I ordered furniture from IKEA the other week -- a bedframe, a couch, some end tables, and a kitchen table and chairs. The same day, my landlord offered to show me some things that I could borrow. Being completely furniture deprived, I said yes to almost everything he offered, and it was only upon returning with the goods to my apartment that I realized that in addition to the three end tables I ordered from IKEA, I also borrowed another 6 small tables from my landlord. Who needs chairs and television when you have a lifetime supply of small tables?
IKEA delivers. In Switzerland, IKEA delivers whenever they decide to deliver. You get a letter in the mail and a voicemail in Swiss German saying the date that they will drop the things off, and a time frame, and you'd better be home when the stuff comes. It's sort of like cable in the U.S. Apparently, they also have a tendency to forget some items, or to only deliver parts of items, so I had a coworker call them to make sure that they were delivering a bedframe, a couch, three end tables, and a kitchen table and chairs. The person on the phone said he couldn't verify what was being delivered, but he could tell her that it weighed 160 kilograms. For all I know, I could get a delivery of 160 kilograms of toilet seat covers. In any case, I went onto the IKEA website to look at how much their stuff weighs, and the things I ordered should weigh, in total, 110 kilograms. So either they don't know how to weigh things, or I'm getting an extra 50 kg of furniture and household items for free!
Got my DSL set up, so my Vonage phone now works again, so I spent half the weekend on the phone, since I don't have to worry about long-distance rates anymore. The crazy thing is that it's also cheaper for me to call Switzerland, now that I have my old phone up and running again. How can it be cheaper for me to call Swiss lines from what is supposedly an American line, than to call Swiss lines from my Swiss numbers?
Because it's so expensive to make phone calls here (some cell phone plans charge about 80 cents a minute for local calls), everyone does SMS, instead. In New York, you walk around, and everyone has a headset or a cell phone attached to their ears. Here, everyone walks around looking down at the cell phones in their hands, where they are madly typing and sending text messages. It's quieter, but it's also hard to walk, when everyone is looking at their cell phone screen. I don't think I'm coordinated enough.
Another laundry mystery: the laundry machines here are really small and very slow. You put in two sheets and two pillowcases, and the machine is stuffed full. The shortest wash cycle is 46 minutes, and some options go for over 2 hours. I ask you, if you lived in a building that only gave you 2 days a month to do laundry, and those days were almost always during the week, and the loads are tiny and the cycles long, and you had to finish by 9 pm on your days, would you have enough clean clothes? Thankfully, I can do laundry whenever I want, unlike in most buildings, but I don't see how I would get by, otherwise...
I ordered furniture from IKEA the other week -- a bedframe, a couch, some end tables, and a kitchen table and chairs. The same day, my landlord offered to show me some things that I could borrow. Being completely furniture deprived, I said yes to almost everything he offered, and it was only upon returning with the goods to my apartment that I realized that in addition to the three end tables I ordered from IKEA, I also borrowed another 6 small tables from my landlord. Who needs chairs and television when you have a lifetime supply of small tables?
IKEA delivers. In Switzerland, IKEA delivers whenever they decide to deliver. You get a letter in the mail and a voicemail in Swiss German saying the date that they will drop the things off, and a time frame, and you'd better be home when the stuff comes. It's sort of like cable in the U.S. Apparently, they also have a tendency to forget some items, or to only deliver parts of items, so I had a coworker call them to make sure that they were delivering a bedframe, a couch, three end tables, and a kitchen table and chairs. The person on the phone said he couldn't verify what was being delivered, but he could tell her that it weighed 160 kilograms. For all I know, I could get a delivery of 160 kilograms of toilet seat covers. In any case, I went onto the IKEA website to look at how much their stuff weighs, and the things I ordered should weigh, in total, 110 kilograms. So either they don't know how to weigh things, or I'm getting an extra 50 kg of furniture and household items for free!
Got my DSL set up, so my Vonage phone now works again, so I spent half the weekend on the phone, since I don't have to worry about long-distance rates anymore. The crazy thing is that it's also cheaper for me to call Switzerland, now that I have my old phone up and running again. How can it be cheaper for me to call Swiss lines from what is supposedly an American line, than to call Swiss lines from my Swiss numbers?
Because it's so expensive to make phone calls here (some cell phone plans charge about 80 cents a minute for local calls), everyone does SMS, instead. In New York, you walk around, and everyone has a headset or a cell phone attached to their ears. Here, everyone walks around looking down at the cell phones in their hands, where they are madly typing and sending text messages. It's quieter, but it's also hard to walk, when everyone is looking at their cell phone screen. I don't think I'm coordinated enough.
Another laundry mystery: the laundry machines here are really small and very slow. You put in two sheets and two pillowcases, and the machine is stuffed full. The shortest wash cycle is 46 minutes, and some options go for over 2 hours. I ask you, if you lived in a building that only gave you 2 days a month to do laundry, and those days were almost always during the week, and the loads are tiny and the cycles long, and you had to finish by 9 pm on your days, would you have enough clean clothes? Thankfully, I can do laundry whenever I want, unlike in most buildings, but I don't see how I would get by, otherwise...
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
10 August 2004
My birthday came and went in peace, and I am now 26. Oof. Celebrated on the actual day with dinner out with a few friends, and had a waiter who spoke Chinese. I think he was just as pleased to find someone to speak Chinese with as I was to be able to communicate with someone in complete sentences.
Saturday was the Street Parade. It’s no wonder that the Street Parade comes only once a year. It is a huge event, equally interesting and exhausting. About 1 million people descended on Zürich for the city-wide party, which is a lot, considering that the normal population of Zürich is under 350,000. The Swiss are nothing if not efficient. They can assemble huge scaffolds, speaker systems, stages, and other equipment as if by magic, and then spirit them away again when they are no longer needed. A poll conducted by a local paper indicated that at least a quarter of the people at the Street Parade were on drugs ranging from pot to Ecstasy to coke, which may explain the craziness of the day. And this is a family event.
Starting at about 10 on Saturday morning, there were speakers blasting techno music all around town, and by 3 in the afternoon, they had reached full volume, meaning that I could feel my building shaking. I ventured forth into the city for the Parade with 5 Swiss friends, and it was a mix of Mardi Gras, an outdoor rave, Gay Pride Day, and Halloween. People were dressed up or undressed, with punked out hair and body paint, and there was ear-shattering noise coming from the 30-odd floats blasting music from their on-board DJs, and from the many parties scattered around town, in every square and alley, and even in the main train station. From a distance, all you could hear was a huge, constant roar, which became more defined if you were close to a float or a street party. They were pumping water from the lake over the crowds in one area, and there was a foam-filled dance floor, sponsored by (who else but) a shampoo company. The floats snaked through the crowds until about 10 pm, and then everyone headed to any of dozens of parties in the city that lasted until noon on Sunday. My friends and I went to Club Q, and called it a night around 4. An almost overwhelming spectacle, but lots of fun.
Perhaps the funniest thing I saw that day was at around 7 pm, when the floats and crowds were still packing the streets. The ground was paved with bottles and litter, with people constantly adding to the mess. A troop of street cleaners was already dutifully walking the street with trash bags in hand, picking up bottles to recycle and trash to discard. It seemed like such an exercise in futility, and charmingly premature. Still, the next morning, there was hardly a trace of the litter generated by a million people, so they must have done something right. The funniest sound was perhaps the mix of the roaring street parties and the church bells calling people in for 7 o’clock Mass. The two sets of sounds were equally cacophonous, and amusing in their juxtaposition.
Sunday morning, I went to get some brunch at a sidewalk café with a view of a quiet street and a church that was about 50 meters away. I sat there recovering from sleep deprivation, eating my brunch, when all of a sudden, the church woke up and set all of its bells ringing in full force, calling its congregation in to do penance for their debauchery at 11 o’clock Mass. The other churches joined in, and for 15 minutes I sat there, assaulted by bells from all sides.
Some pictures are up, including some pictures of Zürich, some of the Street Parade, some of people I know here, and a couple of silly ones of things that amused my very mature self...
Saturday was the Street Parade. It’s no wonder that the Street Parade comes only once a year. It is a huge event, equally interesting and exhausting. About 1 million people descended on Zürich for the city-wide party, which is a lot, considering that the normal population of Zürich is under 350,000. The Swiss are nothing if not efficient. They can assemble huge scaffolds, speaker systems, stages, and other equipment as if by magic, and then spirit them away again when they are no longer needed. A poll conducted by a local paper indicated that at least a quarter of the people at the Street Parade were on drugs ranging from pot to Ecstasy to coke, which may explain the craziness of the day. And this is a family event.
Starting at about 10 on Saturday morning, there were speakers blasting techno music all around town, and by 3 in the afternoon, they had reached full volume, meaning that I could feel my building shaking. I ventured forth into the city for the Parade with 5 Swiss friends, and it was a mix of Mardi Gras, an outdoor rave, Gay Pride Day, and Halloween. People were dressed up or undressed, with punked out hair and body paint, and there was ear-shattering noise coming from the 30-odd floats blasting music from their on-board DJs, and from the many parties scattered around town, in every square and alley, and even in the main train station. From a distance, all you could hear was a huge, constant roar, which became more defined if you were close to a float or a street party. They were pumping water from the lake over the crowds in one area, and there was a foam-filled dance floor, sponsored by (who else but) a shampoo company. The floats snaked through the crowds until about 10 pm, and then everyone headed to any of dozens of parties in the city that lasted until noon on Sunday. My friends and I went to Club Q, and called it a night around 4. An almost overwhelming spectacle, but lots of fun.
Perhaps the funniest thing I saw that day was at around 7 pm, when the floats and crowds were still packing the streets. The ground was paved with bottles and litter, with people constantly adding to the mess. A troop of street cleaners was already dutifully walking the street with trash bags in hand, picking up bottles to recycle and trash to discard. It seemed like such an exercise in futility, and charmingly premature. Still, the next morning, there was hardly a trace of the litter generated by a million people, so they must have done something right. The funniest sound was perhaps the mix of the roaring street parties and the church bells calling people in for 7 o’clock Mass. The two sets of sounds were equally cacophonous, and amusing in their juxtaposition.
Sunday morning, I went to get some brunch at a sidewalk café with a view of a quiet street and a church that was about 50 meters away. I sat there recovering from sleep deprivation, eating my brunch, when all of a sudden, the church woke up and set all of its bells ringing in full force, calling its congregation in to do penance for their debauchery at 11 o’clock Mass. The other churches joined in, and for 15 minutes I sat there, assaulted by bells from all sides.
Some pictures are up, including some pictures of Zürich, some of the Street Parade, some of people I know here, and a couple of silly ones of things that amused my very mature self...
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
3 August 2004
So Friday night, I made it out to see Kill Bill, Vol. 1 at an open-air cinema on the lake, and it was a gorgeous night, with an almost-full, orange moon, full views of the lake and the hills.
Saturday was a frenzy of cleaning and setting up, after a week’s worth of shopping. Managed to roust about 50 people to come to my apartment, where they all complimented the views and the space, but teased me for my lack of furniture. (In my defense, I have ordered a mattress to be delivered to my apartment, so I will soon have a non-temporary, full-size mattress, which is a step up from the loaner, twin-size mattress I’ve been sleeping on. One day, I’ll get a bed frame, and maybe even some chairs and a table. One step at a time.)
Sunday was Swiss National Day, which I spent lounging and picnicking by the lake with some Swiss friends, which was quite nice. Because of Swiss National Day, they really went crazy with the bells. Saturday evening, all of the bells went off for 15 minutes straight, and it turns out that my apartment is perfectly lined up with three bell towers, for optimal bell noise. Sunday, the bells went off for similarly long periods of time at various points throughout the day. I am tempted to get a large bell to put on my terrace to join in the daily bell frenzies, but I've been told that I would get in trouble, since I am not a church. So much for my bell envy.
Still haven’t gotten around to figuring out the trash system here. The trash is collected in each neighborhood according to a set schedule, which you have to look up, and you can only put it out at certain places at certain times, and different types of trash go in different kinds of bags, which you have to buy at special places. So until I figure that out, I have resorted to being a trash-smuggler. Every time I leave the apartment, I put a little bit of trash in a small bag, and toss it in one of the public trashcans. Why don’t I take larger bags out, you ask? Because I might get caught and get in trouble, since those are meant for small litter and rubbish that you generate while you’re out and about, not your own, home-grown garbage.
I got in trouble once for throwing a bag of Fiver's poop into the wrong kind of trash can. The man seemed torn between letting the stupid American get away with it once, or making her fish the bag back out and throw it away in a properly designated dog poo trash can. Fortunately, he let it slide. I don't particularly like digging through the trash to pick things out, especially if what I'm fishing for is a bag of dog poo.
The eco-friendly lack of air conditioning is most noticeable at night. There is little that is worse than lying in bed, being kept up by the heat. And then you have to decide whether you want to open the windows to cool the place down a bit, but also let in church bell noise, or if you want a quiet apartment that is on the stuffy side. It doesn’t get that hot here, really, but it’s still warm enough that we would have the A/C on in the States.
Saturday was a frenzy of cleaning and setting up, after a week’s worth of shopping. Managed to roust about 50 people to come to my apartment, where they all complimented the views and the space, but teased me for my lack of furniture. (In my defense, I have ordered a mattress to be delivered to my apartment, so I will soon have a non-temporary, full-size mattress, which is a step up from the loaner, twin-size mattress I’ve been sleeping on. One day, I’ll get a bed frame, and maybe even some chairs and a table. One step at a time.)
Sunday was Swiss National Day, which I spent lounging and picnicking by the lake with some Swiss friends, which was quite nice. Because of Swiss National Day, they really went crazy with the bells. Saturday evening, all of the bells went off for 15 minutes straight, and it turns out that my apartment is perfectly lined up with three bell towers, for optimal bell noise. Sunday, the bells went off for similarly long periods of time at various points throughout the day. I am tempted to get a large bell to put on my terrace to join in the daily bell frenzies, but I've been told that I would get in trouble, since I am not a church. So much for my bell envy.
Still haven’t gotten around to figuring out the trash system here. The trash is collected in each neighborhood according to a set schedule, which you have to look up, and you can only put it out at certain places at certain times, and different types of trash go in different kinds of bags, which you have to buy at special places. So until I figure that out, I have resorted to being a trash-smuggler. Every time I leave the apartment, I put a little bit of trash in a small bag, and toss it in one of the public trashcans. Why don’t I take larger bags out, you ask? Because I might get caught and get in trouble, since those are meant for small litter and rubbish that you generate while you’re out and about, not your own, home-grown garbage.
I got in trouble once for throwing a bag of Fiver's poop into the wrong kind of trash can. The man seemed torn between letting the stupid American get away with it once, or making her fish the bag back out and throw it away in a properly designated dog poo trash can. Fortunately, he let it slide. I don't particularly like digging through the trash to pick things out, especially if what I'm fishing for is a bag of dog poo.
The eco-friendly lack of air conditioning is most noticeable at night. There is little that is worse than lying in bed, being kept up by the heat. And then you have to decide whether you want to open the windows to cool the place down a bit, but also let in church bell noise, or if you want a quiet apartment that is on the stuffy side. It doesn’t get that hot here, really, but it’s still warm enough that we would have the A/C on in the States.
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
28 July 2004
How easily one gets used to changes in lifestyle. I work 9 to 6, with an hour lunch break, five days a week. It’s sunny and 75 degrees, the windows are open, and I’m in the office with my dog sitting on my lap. After work, I’ll take the tram and buy some bread at the bakery, walk home, and then sit on my terrace and listen to music. The church bells will chime every quarter-hour. It will get dark by about 10, and then I’ll study some German and get ready for bed. And it feels like this is the way life has always been and always will be, even though it’s so different from how it was before.
Speaking of church bells, there are a ton of them, and they mark the time every 15 minutes, 24/7, and at certain times they ring for several minutes straight (7 am every morning, and several times a day for Mass). It makes no sense to me that the Swiss can get so upset by the noise made by neighbors showering or flushing their toilets after 10 pm, but really loud church bells are perfectly OK at 4 in the morning. And at 4:15. And 4:30. 4:45. You get the point. Fellow Holdenites: Jim Marvin would be in heaven, with all of the bells ringing all of the time.
Exciting plans for the week include: buying household essentials, like oven mitts, paper towels, and screwdrivers; going to a coworker's apartment for dinner; watching Kill Bill Vol. 1 at an open air cinema by the lake; German lessons; IKEA; and my humble little shindig...
Went with a Swiss friend to an open-air bar last night that is a Jewish swimming pool during the day, and a grill/bar at night. So by day it is an all-male pool for the Jewish community, and by night it is a co-ed haven for eating pork sausages and drinking beer, which seems an odd combination to me, but if it works.... If you ask to see their menu, they say that there is none. Just sausage and salad.
There are a lot of strange combinations here, actually. There are two large umbrella corporations, Migros and Coop, that do and sell everything: you can go there for a bank account, for your groceries, for electronics, for language classes, to exercise, and so on. It reminds me of Japanese mega-corporations like Asahi and Sapporo. Incidentally, one of the most popular ways to keep your money is in an account with the post office.
People get up *really early* here. The standard Swiss working day is 7:30 to 5:00, with an hour lunch break. I had to get a leaky faucet fixed, and the plumber showed up at 7:30 on the dot. When do these people wake up?? I guess when the bells start going crazy at 7 in the morning.
Non-Swiss news: my nephew can *walk* and say “Uh-oh,” “Mama,” and “Baba,” (which refers both to his dad and to the phone, because my sister always says, “Let’s call Papa,” while holding the phone up); my friend Jeannette Louh is starting at Columbia Business School this fall; and my friend Denise Mak is starting at Le Cordon Bleu in Paris this fall. Change is in the air all over the world...
Speaking of church bells, there are a ton of them, and they mark the time every 15 minutes, 24/7, and at certain times they ring for several minutes straight (7 am every morning, and several times a day for Mass). It makes no sense to me that the Swiss can get so upset by the noise made by neighbors showering or flushing their toilets after 10 pm, but really loud church bells are perfectly OK at 4 in the morning. And at 4:15. And 4:30. 4:45. You get the point. Fellow Holdenites: Jim Marvin would be in heaven, with all of the bells ringing all of the time.
Exciting plans for the week include: buying household essentials, like oven mitts, paper towels, and screwdrivers; going to a coworker's apartment for dinner; watching Kill Bill Vol. 1 at an open air cinema by the lake; German lessons; IKEA; and my humble little shindig...
Went with a Swiss friend to an open-air bar last night that is a Jewish swimming pool during the day, and a grill/bar at night. So by day it is an all-male pool for the Jewish community, and by night it is a co-ed haven for eating pork sausages and drinking beer, which seems an odd combination to me, but if it works.... If you ask to see their menu, they say that there is none. Just sausage and salad.
There are a lot of strange combinations here, actually. There are two large umbrella corporations, Migros and Coop, that do and sell everything: you can go there for a bank account, for your groceries, for electronics, for language classes, to exercise, and so on. It reminds me of Japanese mega-corporations like Asahi and Sapporo. Incidentally, one of the most popular ways to keep your money is in an account with the post office.
People get up *really early* here. The standard Swiss working day is 7:30 to 5:00, with an hour lunch break. I had to get a leaky faucet fixed, and the plumber showed up at 7:30 on the dot. When do these people wake up?? I guess when the bells start going crazy at 7 in the morning.
Non-Swiss news: my nephew can *walk* and say “Uh-oh,” “Mama,” and “Baba,” (which refers both to his dad and to the phone, because my sister always says, “Let’s call Papa,” while holding the phone up); my friend Jeannette Louh is starting at Columbia Business School this fall; and my friend Denise Mak is starting at Le Cordon Bleu in Paris this fall. Change is in the air all over the world...
Thursday, July 22, 2004
22 July 2004
1) So I did laundry the other night in my new building, and I had pangs of residual guilt, despite the fact that there was no laundry schedule, and I wasn't violating any building rules. I have to admit that I kept looking over my shoulder as I did unscheduled laundry at 10 p.m. I think I always used to feel guilty about *not* doing laundry, and now I have to fight feelings of guilt about doing laundry...
2) My German continues to progress very slowly, and I have reached the level of a caveman with a severe learning disorder. I had a conversation in a shop where I often go the other day. the first time I went there, the shopkeeper and I conversed in complex pointing and pantomime. Now, we speak like a Homo sapiens trying to communicate with a slow-witted Neanderthal. Roughly translated:
Him: Welcome! Something something....
Me: Hello! Me want one piece pizza. Please.
Him: One piece of pizza? Something something something all?
Me: No. Also one thing tiramisu.
Him: Something big or small something something?
Me: Yes, big. Big tiramisu.
Him: OK, yes. Something something something?
Me: Sorry? Also a spoon, please.
Him: Of course, a spoon. Something something dog?
Me: Pardon?
Him: Where is your dog? You have a dog.
Me: Oh, yes, exactly. Him in office.
Him: Very good. Something something from?
Me: Pardon?
Him: Where are you from?
Me: Ah, me American, but mine parents are Chinese.
Him: Chinese. Very good. Something something all?
Me: Sorry?
Him: Is that all?
Me: Yes, thank you.
Him: Here is your change. Good bye, and thank you!
Me: Thanks for everything. See soon!
3) I could not for the life of me find the phone jack in my new place. Finally, out of desperation, I emailed the prior tenant to ask him where it was, and he replied that it doesn't look like a phone jack, because it's an old jack which needs an adapter, and it's in the back of a cupboard in the corner of the living room. How was I supposed to know that I was looking for something that doesn't look like a phone jack that is hidden inside a cupboard??
4) The Swiss complain about how high their taxes are, and as much as I like to complain about things, I can't say that I sympathize with them on this one. I pay about 15% of my gross salary in taxes, but when I leave Switzerland, I should get part of that back. I'll take 10-12% in taxes over 40% in taxes any day.
5) Hot slang tip: "super" is the word of choice here, pronounced the way the governor of California would say it: "sooo-pah." "This apartment is sooo-pah." "The food here is sooo-pah." Maybe it will catch on in the U.S.
2) My German continues to progress very slowly, and I have reached the level of a caveman with a severe learning disorder. I had a conversation in a shop where I often go the other day. the first time I went there, the shopkeeper and I conversed in complex pointing and pantomime. Now, we speak like a Homo sapiens trying to communicate with a slow-witted Neanderthal. Roughly translated:
Him: Welcome! Something something....
Me: Hello! Me want one piece pizza. Please.
Him: One piece of pizza? Something something something all?
Me: No. Also one thing tiramisu.
Him: Something big or small something something?
Me: Yes, big. Big tiramisu.
Him: OK, yes. Something something something?
Me: Sorry? Also a spoon, please.
Him: Of course, a spoon. Something something dog?
Me: Pardon?
Him: Where is your dog? You have a dog.
Me: Oh, yes, exactly. Him in office.
Him: Very good. Something something from?
Me: Pardon?
Him: Where are you from?
Me: Ah, me American, but mine parents are Chinese.
Him: Chinese. Very good. Something something all?
Me: Sorry?
Him: Is that all?
Me: Yes, thank you.
Him: Here is your change. Good bye, and thank you!
Me: Thanks for everything. See soon!
3) I could not for the life of me find the phone jack in my new place. Finally, out of desperation, I emailed the prior tenant to ask him where it was, and he replied that it doesn't look like a phone jack, because it's an old jack which needs an adapter, and it's in the back of a cupboard in the corner of the living room. How was I supposed to know that I was looking for something that doesn't look like a phone jack that is hidden inside a cupboard??
4) The Swiss complain about how high their taxes are, and as much as I like to complain about things, I can't say that I sympathize with them on this one. I pay about 15% of my gross salary in taxes, but when I leave Switzerland, I should get part of that back. I'll take 10-12% in taxes over 40% in taxes any day.
5) Hot slang tip: "super" is the word of choice here, pronounced the way the governor of California would say it: "sooo-pah." "This apartment is sooo-pah." "The food here is sooo-pah." Maybe it will catch on in the U.S.
Monday, July 19, 2004
19 July 2004
1) I've moved! I found a really lovely duplex 1BR apartment in the center of the old part of town. The apartment is very charming, with lots of space, an internal staircase, with eaves, skylights, and exposed beams on the upper floor. There are views of a crooked little cobblestone street, old buildings, church towers, green hills and old rooftops. I have a private garden terrace and no laundry schedule. There is even a dryer! (See note below regarding laundry in Zürich). It's in the expensive part of town, but I'm getting a nicer apartment for less money than I was paying in Manhattan, so I'm still pleased. Unfortunately, I have no furniture, but I hope to remedy that soon.
Care packages are welcome, especially if they include such things as tables, chairs, couches, nightstands, beds, and transportation systems that run 24 hours a day. I'm all set on deep-fried pies from McD's, so no need to send those.
If you happen to be in Zürich on July 31, I'll be having a combination housewarming/birthday/Swiss National Day party. Alcohol and garden terrace provided, but bring your own furniture. My phone numbers are staying the same. I may even have my New York number back soon, once I get hi-speed internet set up.
2) Update on my former neighbors in the crackhouse. The girl with the pet rats has dyed her hair a brilliant magenta, and her boyfriend has, as well. They walk around with matching magenta hair and squirming rats. How romantic.
3) Have I mentioned that many buildings here schedule laundry days a year in advance? The building I first lived in does this, and we were allowed to do laundry between 7 am and 9 pm on our scheduled days, and not on any other days. We were allotted laundry days about once every 25 days. On your special day, you use your building key (Key Number 1) to get into the basement, where you go to this hidden pipe. Key Number 2 is hidden in the pipe. This key is used to open the electrical closet, where the laundry key (Key Number 3) is hidden. Then you can do laundry. But only until 9 pm. And only on your day. No dryer, so laundry day results in an apartment decked out in wet clothes. It's almost as hard to do laundry as to get access to your bank account.
4) For the first time in my life, I have witnessed a storm in which there were hailstones that were literally the size of golfballs. The weather here is schizophrenic. It goes from sunny and breezy to pouring and hailing in two minutes, and then back again, as if nothing had ever happened. I believe that the weather gods here have Alzheimer's.
5) August 7 is the annual street parade in Zurich, and it's supposed to b a giant street party that's a combination of the New York Halloween parade, Gay Pride day, Mardi Gras, and techno mayhem. I look forward to witnessing this spectacle of spectacles.
Care packages are welcome, especially if they include such things as tables, chairs, couches, nightstands, beds, and transportation systems that run 24 hours a day. I'm all set on deep-fried pies from McD's, so no need to send those.
If you happen to be in Zürich on July 31, I'll be having a combination housewarming/birthday/Swiss National Day party. Alcohol and garden terrace provided, but bring your own furniture. My phone numbers are staying the same. I may even have my New York number back soon, once I get hi-speed internet set up.
2) Update on my former neighbors in the crackhouse. The girl with the pet rats has dyed her hair a brilliant magenta, and her boyfriend has, as well. They walk around with matching magenta hair and squirming rats. How romantic.
3) Have I mentioned that many buildings here schedule laundry days a year in advance? The building I first lived in does this, and we were allowed to do laundry between 7 am and 9 pm on our scheduled days, and not on any other days. We were allotted laundry days about once every 25 days. On your special day, you use your building key (Key Number 1) to get into the basement, where you go to this hidden pipe. Key Number 2 is hidden in the pipe. This key is used to open the electrical closet, where the laundry key (Key Number 3) is hidden. Then you can do laundry. But only until 9 pm. And only on your day. No dryer, so laundry day results in an apartment decked out in wet clothes. It's almost as hard to do laundry as to get access to your bank account.
4) For the first time in my life, I have witnessed a storm in which there were hailstones that were literally the size of golfballs. The weather here is schizophrenic. It goes from sunny and breezy to pouring and hailing in two minutes, and then back again, as if nothing had ever happened. I believe that the weather gods here have Alzheimer's.
5) August 7 is the annual street parade in Zurich, and it's supposed to b a giant street party that's a combination of the New York Halloween parade, Gay Pride day, Mardi Gras, and techno mayhem. I look forward to witnessing this spectacle of spectacles.
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
7 July 2004
To start: Congrats to Jenn and Brian, wish I could have been there, and lots of love (and publicity, now that it's gone out on my list...)
1) I have wonderful news -- my greatest discovery since moving to Zürich! Those of you who were in South America with me in 2000 will understand how important this is to me. THEY STILL DEEP FRY THE PIES AT MCDONALD'S IN SWITZERLAND. This is the only thing I like eating at McD's, and only if it's deep-fried, which they stopped doing years and years ago in the States. Usually, when I'm on vacation, I go to see if the McD's still fry their pies, and if they do, I have to eat 3 a day to get my fill in a short time, but since I'll be here for a year or more, I can eat fried pies at my leisure. Celebrate with me :)
2) There is a lot of miniaturization going on in Switzerland, in much the same way that there is a Super-sizing trend in the U.S. The cars are tiny, the drinks are miniscule, and men's clothing seems to be following the Britney Spears trend: tight jeans and revealing tops. Gay-dar is completely ineffective, since most of the men are running around in skin-tight, low-rise jeans and sneakers that match their muscle tees. Those who don't sport such dashing fashion prefer suits or high-waisted pants with pleats and cuffs. Fannypacks are the men's purses of choice.
3) For women, the 80's are back with a vengeance. We're talking huge plastic earrings, teased hair, leggings, and full Flashdance gear, taken to the extreme. The alternative is shapeless floral clothing, and perhaps a stunning mullet hairstyle.
4) This past weekend was both Zürifäscht and the finals of the Eurocup (soccer). Zürifäscht happens every 3 years, and the Eurocup happens every 4, so it is only every 12 years that these two events take place in the same summer, and this year, they took place on the /same weekend/. Result: utter insanity. Years of pent-up Swiss emotions and indulgences let out in one weekend of debauchery. There was littering and widespread mingling of recyclables and non-recyclables that would usually make the Swiss cringe. People passed out on the ground, or retching, while everyone else passed by, unconcerned. Policemen on Rollerblades with police lights on their ankles, cruising through the crowds, sometimes chasing belligerents down with assault rifles. Noise (and lots of it) past 10 pm, and continuing until 4 in the morning (gasp!!). It was a cross between a carnival, a street fair, Oktoberfest, live music performances, 4th of July, and general anarchy. The entire population of Switzerland descended on quiet, little Zürich for the weekend, and stayed for the games, fireworks, dancing, and drinking, and then went mad on Sunday for the final game. My favorite two sights from the weekend's festivities: 1) your stereotypical rebellious teenager, all punked out and drinking a beer with his friends, watching the fireworks, and /headbanging/ to the Van Halen song "Jump," which for some reason was the finale song for the fireworks; and 2) an outdoor dance floor playing techno music, completely decorated with phosphorescent gnomes and black lights.
5) After a month of eating almost nothing but bread, PB&J, Nutella, bananas, and yogurt, I finally caught a cold, probably partly due to malnutrition and partly due to Zürifäscht. So now I have upgraded my diet to include vitamins, deli meat, and green things, when I can get to the grocery store when it's open.
6) My ATM card has arrived, a month after opening my account. My PIN code was sent separately, registered mail, and I had to pick that up at the post office, but now my account is complete! I had quite a time trying to get to the post office, since it closes before I leave work, and it closes for lunch break, and it's closed on weekends, and that only left early morning, which isn't the best time for non-morning people... But now I actually have access to my own bank account. Awesome.
1) I have wonderful news -- my greatest discovery since moving to Zürich! Those of you who were in South America with me in 2000 will understand how important this is to me. THEY STILL DEEP FRY THE PIES AT MCDONALD'S IN SWITZERLAND. This is the only thing I like eating at McD's, and only if it's deep-fried, which they stopped doing years and years ago in the States. Usually, when I'm on vacation, I go to see if the McD's still fry their pies, and if they do, I have to eat 3 a day to get my fill in a short time, but since I'll be here for a year or more, I can eat fried pies at my leisure. Celebrate with me :)
2) There is a lot of miniaturization going on in Switzerland, in much the same way that there is a Super-sizing trend in the U.S. The cars are tiny, the drinks are miniscule, and men's clothing seems to be following the Britney Spears trend: tight jeans and revealing tops. Gay-dar is completely ineffective, since most of the men are running around in skin-tight, low-rise jeans and sneakers that match their muscle tees. Those who don't sport such dashing fashion prefer suits or high-waisted pants with pleats and cuffs. Fannypacks are the men's purses of choice.
3) For women, the 80's are back with a vengeance. We're talking huge plastic earrings, teased hair, leggings, and full Flashdance gear, taken to the extreme. The alternative is shapeless floral clothing, and perhaps a stunning mullet hairstyle.
4) This past weekend was both Zürifäscht and the finals of the Eurocup (soccer). Zürifäscht happens every 3 years, and the Eurocup happens every 4, so it is only every 12 years that these two events take place in the same summer, and this year, they took place on the /same weekend/. Result: utter insanity. Years of pent-up Swiss emotions and indulgences let out in one weekend of debauchery. There was littering and widespread mingling of recyclables and non-recyclables that would usually make the Swiss cringe. People passed out on the ground, or retching, while everyone else passed by, unconcerned. Policemen on Rollerblades with police lights on their ankles, cruising through the crowds, sometimes chasing belligerents down with assault rifles. Noise (and lots of it) past 10 pm, and continuing until 4 in the morning (gasp!!). It was a cross between a carnival, a street fair, Oktoberfest, live music performances, 4th of July, and general anarchy. The entire population of Switzerland descended on quiet, little Zürich for the weekend, and stayed for the games, fireworks, dancing, and drinking, and then went mad on Sunday for the final game. My favorite two sights from the weekend's festivities: 1) your stereotypical rebellious teenager, all punked out and drinking a beer with his friends, watching the fireworks, and /headbanging/ to the Van Halen song "Jump," which for some reason was the finale song for the fireworks; and 2) an outdoor dance floor playing techno music, completely decorated with phosphorescent gnomes and black lights.
5) After a month of eating almost nothing but bread, PB&J, Nutella, bananas, and yogurt, I finally caught a cold, probably partly due to malnutrition and partly due to Zürifäscht. So now I have upgraded my diet to include vitamins, deli meat, and green things, when I can get to the grocery store when it's open.
6) My ATM card has arrived, a month after opening my account. My PIN code was sent separately, registered mail, and I had to pick that up at the post office, but now my account is complete! I had quite a time trying to get to the post office, since it closes before I leave work, and it closes for lunch break, and it's closed on weekends, and that only left early morning, which isn't the best time for non-morning people... But now I actually have access to my own bank account. Awesome.
Monday, June 21, 2004
21 June 2004
First of all, I finally have a cell phone!! I no longer feel naked when I leave the apartment. Sad, how exciting that is to me...
More amusing (to me) things about Switzerland...
1) The keyboards here reverse the Y and Z keys, and the punctuation marks are scrambled, as well. A little bit puzzling, having a QWERTZ keyboard, instead of a QWERTY keyboard. I have remedied the situation by popping the keys out and telling the computer to switch them.
2) Their movie theatres have assigned seating and intermission. We were watching the new Harry Potter, and all of a sudden, in the middle of the movie, the lights come on, and everyone gets up and goes out for a smoke or a snack.
3) The Swiss are serious about noise. In some buildings, they don't allow you to flush your toilet or take a shower after 10 pm, for fear of disturbing your neighbors. And don't even think about doing laundry after 9 pm.
4) Is this a fashion trend that has hit New York? We went out the other week, and there were lots of girls wearing miniskirts with capri-length leggings underneath. So odd.
5) I live near a crackhouse, or a halfway house, or something like that. So when I get on the tram on the way to work in the morning, half of the people are dressed for work, ready to go, and the other half are rather scruffy and twitching. One of them has two pet rats that she carries on her shoulders, although they also like to burrow down the front of her shirt.
6) The Swiss are serious about their trash. You can only put garbage out in regulation bags that you buy at a premium price, and those bags can only contain certain items. The bags are quite small, smaller than our kitchen garbage bags. Recycling is almost a religion. If you put garbage out in a non-regulation bag, it will stay there, or they might take it and go through it, and if you have something with your name on it inside, they will send you a politely angry letter, and charge you a hefty fine.
7) The Swiss are serious about their banking, which is no surprise. I opened an account, and it took a week for them to send me my first letter, which contained a contract number, which they warned me not to lose. Ina separate envelope, I received a card with a smart chip. The next day, a box with a calculator-type thing with a slot for the card. Then, by registered mail requiring my signature, the unlock code for the calculator-type thing. To get into my account, I had to unlock the calculator, pick a new PIN, put in the card, login to the website, and type in my contract number, at which point the site gave me a number back, which I entered into my calculator/card combo, which gave me an alphanumeric code back, which then went into the website, and I was THEN allowed into my Swiss bank account, to access my whopping 800 dollars. All that fuss for such a small account. My officemate didn't look at his mail carefully, and threw the calculator-type thing away, as well as the smart card, thinking they were freebies from the bank. He will have to pay about $70 to replace them, and can't get his account until then!! No ATM cards yet... They wait a month until sending those out.
More amusing (to me) things about Switzerland...
1) The keyboards here reverse the Y and Z keys, and the punctuation marks are scrambled, as well. A little bit puzzling, having a QWERTZ keyboard, instead of a QWERTY keyboard. I have remedied the situation by popping the keys out and telling the computer to switch them.
2) Their movie theatres have assigned seating and intermission. We were watching the new Harry Potter, and all of a sudden, in the middle of the movie, the lights come on, and everyone gets up and goes out for a smoke or a snack.
3) The Swiss are serious about noise. In some buildings, they don't allow you to flush your toilet or take a shower after 10 pm, for fear of disturbing your neighbors. And don't even think about doing laundry after 9 pm.
4) Is this a fashion trend that has hit New York? We went out the other week, and there were lots of girls wearing miniskirts with capri-length leggings underneath. So odd.
5) I live near a crackhouse, or a halfway house, or something like that. So when I get on the tram on the way to work in the morning, half of the people are dressed for work, ready to go, and the other half are rather scruffy and twitching. One of them has two pet rats that she carries on her shoulders, although they also like to burrow down the front of her shirt.
6) The Swiss are serious about their trash. You can only put garbage out in regulation bags that you buy at a premium price, and those bags can only contain certain items. The bags are quite small, smaller than our kitchen garbage bags. Recycling is almost a religion. If you put garbage out in a non-regulation bag, it will stay there, or they might take it and go through it, and if you have something with your name on it inside, they will send you a politely angry letter, and charge you a hefty fine.
7) The Swiss are serious about their banking, which is no surprise. I opened an account, and it took a week for them to send me my first letter, which contained a contract number, which they warned me not to lose. Ina separate envelope, I received a card with a smart chip. The next day, a box with a calculator-type thing with a slot for the card. Then, by registered mail requiring my signature, the unlock code for the calculator-type thing. To get into my account, I had to unlock the calculator, pick a new PIN, put in the card, login to the website, and type in my contract number, at which point the site gave me a number back, which I entered into my calculator/card combo, which gave me an alphanumeric code back, which then went into the website, and I was THEN allowed into my Swiss bank account, to access my whopping 800 dollars. All that fuss for such a small account. My officemate didn't look at his mail carefully, and threw the calculator-type thing away, as well as the smart card, thinking they were freebies from the bank. He will have to pay about $70 to replace them, and can't get his account until then!! No ATM cards yet... They wait a month until sending those out.
Monday, June 07, 2004
7 June 2004
Hello, everyone!! Fiver and I have made it in one piece to Zürich, and I'm in the middle of my third day of work. The city is small but picturesque, and I have not yet gotten (too) lost. We've walked a good deal around the city, and taken lots of mental notes.
1) I may have single-handedly increased the Asian population of Zürich by about 25%.
2) Not having any sense of direction can be detrimental in a city where the streets are curvy and the street signs are not posted in easily visible locations.
3) There are few things funnier than watching two dozen men in tight white shirts and hot pants doing synchronized aerobics in the street.
4) Rap music is very entertaining in other languages.
5) There is only so much Scooby Doo you can watch before you start madly studying a German dictionary, in hopes of learning the language faster, thus expanding your television horizons.
6) I miss instant oatmeal.
I will continue to keep you posted on other important developments and observations on the Swiss front. My dog and I are temporarily living in a 3rd floor walk-up studio on top of a hill. We have a balcony, and enough space in the apartment, mainly due to the fact that I put 85% of my things in storage. Apartment-hunting will begin next month. Work is a 35-minute walk (or a 10 minute tram ride) from home. I share a large office with two other attorneys, and our office looks out onto rooftops, steeples, and green hills. Food is expensive, both at restaurants and in the grocery store. I have greatly increased my intake of bread, bananas, peanut butter, and Nutella.
Eventually, I will have a mobile phone, which will also be a Swiss number, and my land line will be my old New York number, once I get a cable modem connection, which may take a while.
1) I may have single-handedly increased the Asian population of Zürich by about 25%.
2) Not having any sense of direction can be detrimental in a city where the streets are curvy and the street signs are not posted in easily visible locations.
3) There are few things funnier than watching two dozen men in tight white shirts and hot pants doing synchronized aerobics in the street.
4) Rap music is very entertaining in other languages.
5) There is only so much Scooby Doo you can watch before you start madly studying a German dictionary, in hopes of learning the language faster, thus expanding your television horizons.
6) I miss instant oatmeal.
I will continue to keep you posted on other important developments and observations on the Swiss front. My dog and I are temporarily living in a 3rd floor walk-up studio on top of a hill. We have a balcony, and enough space in the apartment, mainly due to the fact that I put 85% of my things in storage. Apartment-hunting will begin next month. Work is a 35-minute walk (or a 10 minute tram ride) from home. I share a large office with two other attorneys, and our office looks out onto rooftops, steeples, and green hills. Food is expensive, both at restaurants and in the grocery store. I have greatly increased my intake of bread, bananas, peanut butter, and Nutella.
Eventually, I will have a mobile phone, which will also be a Swiss number, and my land line will be my old New York number, once I get a cable modem connection, which may take a while.
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