Last week, I was puttering around in one room of my apartment, and my Swiss friend called out to me from the other room, informing me that there was a “rowboat” in my room. I sat there digesting that information for a while, wondering if I had overlooked the advent of a rowboat in my apartment, then decided that I definitely did not have a rowboat. I then tried to think of anything that might resemble a rowboat, but concluded that I had no rowboat-shaped objects anywhere in my apartment. I went up to check it out, and the rowboat turned out to be my underwater camera setup, which, with its knobs, buttons, heavy metal case, and strobe arm, may, by some stretch of the imagination, resemble a robot. Such are the hazards of learning a language from non-native speakers and from the printed word: you may never be able to clearly express the difference between a small, man-powered water vessel and R2D2.
I just read an article that stated that the average Swiss woman spends over two hours per day doing housework. I’m not sure what she does for over two hours a day, since everyone cleans up after themselves constantly and makes as little mess as possible. I suppose that the laundry takes a lot of time, since the machines run on slow cycles, and are extra-small, requiring multiple loads. And then, since the clothes are hung out to dry, there is all of the ironing. Even jeans and t-shirts. And then there is the fact that the stove has to scrubbed with every use. But still, it’s no wonder that my place doesn’t look Swiss. I’m lucky if I spend two hours a week on housework.
If you spend over fourteen hours a week cleaning your house, I guess it makes sense that you want other people to keep it clean, as well. Swiss men are expected to always sit when using the restroom, although that rule is sometimes relaxed in one’s own home, or when visiting close friends who are not too anal about tidiness. One of my expat friends objects to sitting, just on principle, and will choose to kneel in front of the toilet, instead, as a compromise between his refusal to sit and his host’s preference for splash-free toilet usage. He was living with his Swiss girlfriend, and would even kneel at home, as she insisted that he not stand. American men complain that they have to remember to put the toilet seat down after every use, but I think they have it easier than the Swiss, who have to sit (or kneel, as the case may be), to satisfy the powers that be.
Even if you keep your apartment immaculate, moving out requires an even more fanatical devotion to cleanliness. Most landlords will conduct a housing inspection at the end of your residence, to ensure that the place is exactly as it was when you moved in. This sounds similar to how things work elsewhere, but it is taken to much greater lengths. The usual American apartment inspection: are the walls still there, are there holes, and is the paintjob OK? Are the drawers and closets empty? Is the kitchen emptied out and cleaned? The usual Swiss apartment inspection looks at the same things, but expects everything to be absolutely immaculate and like-new. The inspector will take apart faucets and look for calcification. He will look behind the radiator for a cobweb. He will look in the fuse box, in the backs of drawers, in storage closets, anywhere that might harbor a speck of dust. He will peer at every square centimetre of carpet for flecks of anything that wasn’t there before (and he has a record of each pre-existing fleck). It’s rather daunting, so many people will pay about $1000 to have a 1BR professionally prepared for inspection.
Before you even get to the cleaning inspection, however, you have to arrange to move out. Most apartments require at least a one-year lease, with move-out dates occurring twice a year. If your building has move-out dates on April 1 and October 1, and you moved in in May 2004, your first possible move-out would be October 2005, as it’s the first move-out date after your one-year lease. If you want to move out in October, then you have to give your landlord three months’ notice that you intend to use the move out date, or he can keep you on your lease until the next move-out date. If you want to leave before you are allowed, you can ask permission to transfer your lease, and once you have permission, you have to present your landlord with three acceptable candidates who are all ready and willing to move in, and your landlord then chooses one of them. Craig’s List just started up here, but I’m wondering how it will mesh with the housing policies that are generally in place…
I just read an article that stated that the average Swiss woman spends over two hours per day doing housework. I’m not sure what she does for over two hours a day, since everyone cleans up after themselves constantly and makes as little mess as possible. I suppose that the laundry takes a lot of time, since the machines run on slow cycles, and are extra-small, requiring multiple loads. And then, since the clothes are hung out to dry, there is all of the ironing. Even jeans and t-shirts. And then there is the fact that the stove has to scrubbed with every use. But still, it’s no wonder that my place doesn’t look Swiss. I’m lucky if I spend two hours a week on housework.
If you spend over fourteen hours a week cleaning your house, I guess it makes sense that you want other people to keep it clean, as well. Swiss men are expected to always sit when using the restroom, although that rule is sometimes relaxed in one’s own home, or when visiting close friends who are not too anal about tidiness. One of my expat friends objects to sitting, just on principle, and will choose to kneel in front of the toilet, instead, as a compromise between his refusal to sit and his host’s preference for splash-free toilet usage. He was living with his Swiss girlfriend, and would even kneel at home, as she insisted that he not stand. American men complain that they have to remember to put the toilet seat down after every use, but I think they have it easier than the Swiss, who have to sit (or kneel, as the case may be), to satisfy the powers that be.
Even if you keep your apartment immaculate, moving out requires an even more fanatical devotion to cleanliness. Most landlords will conduct a housing inspection at the end of your residence, to ensure that the place is exactly as it was when you moved in. This sounds similar to how things work elsewhere, but it is taken to much greater lengths. The usual American apartment inspection: are the walls still there, are there holes, and is the paintjob OK? Are the drawers and closets empty? Is the kitchen emptied out and cleaned? The usual Swiss apartment inspection looks at the same things, but expects everything to be absolutely immaculate and like-new. The inspector will take apart faucets and look for calcification. He will look behind the radiator for a cobweb. He will look in the fuse box, in the backs of drawers, in storage closets, anywhere that might harbor a speck of dust. He will peer at every square centimetre of carpet for flecks of anything that wasn’t there before (and he has a record of each pre-existing fleck). It’s rather daunting, so many people will pay about $1000 to have a 1BR professionally prepared for inspection.
Before you even get to the cleaning inspection, however, you have to arrange to move out. Most apartments require at least a one-year lease, with move-out dates occurring twice a year. If your building has move-out dates on April 1 and October 1, and you moved in in May 2004, your first possible move-out would be October 2005, as it’s the first move-out date after your one-year lease. If you want to move out in October, then you have to give your landlord three months’ notice that you intend to use the move out date, or he can keep you on your lease until the next move-out date. If you want to leave before you are allowed, you can ask permission to transfer your lease, and once you have permission, you have to present your landlord with three acceptable candidates who are all ready and willing to move in, and your landlord then chooses one of them. Craig’s List just started up here, but I’m wondering how it will mesh with the housing policies that are generally in place…
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